Searching Lancelot

Everyone goes through changes within their lives.

You cannot stop the changes that are about to evolve. You can only look at them, learn from them and sense the feel.

It is hard when a change comes so unexpectedly that you are shocked at the way it made an impact.

When the change occurs within your life, you stop and think to yourself, “How could this happen”?.

We need to embrace the impact because this is how we will learn from them.

I have walked through many changes. Some where extreme and overwhelming.

I thought I had everything in order in my life. I had all the drama and hurt buried in a place that I knew would not come out.

Little did I know, the dirt started to scatter as the rain distorted what covered my pain. I decided that I would bury the pain instead of “confronting”  the pain.

Once the Pain became known, I had an explosion of pain and sorrow. It was intense and emotionally I felt naked. Naked in the sense that I did not know how to handle nor defend my emotions. I was not prepared.

I took a subtle hold of myself and meditated on the situation. I became more at ease.

However, the small group of friends that I once had, became only a couple left.

Once chaos came, they decided to abandon me . Abandon me in a way that hurt me the most. I needed emotional support. It seems when they needed emotional support, I was always there, but when I needed it, excuses where made or they were no where to be found.

I realized in life that the few good friends that stood firm and helped me out with open arms where very slim.

I found to see the truth in my “Friends”. I got to see who was real and who were fake. It was not the best feeling to realize that the “true” friends you thought were your “Real” friends, where never true nor real. It was a rude awakening for me!

I thought of becoming a hermit and to shy away from the world. I thought of giving up on everything. I thought I was not worthy to be around anyone. I thought that if I would disappear without a trace, this would help me to be a better me. However, I remembered the grave I buried and how it came back with much greater force. The only way truly to be happy, is to confront the hurt, pain and sorrow. Bless them, Thank them for the learning experience, and to move on.

It is not easy, however changes are made for the better. Even if at the moment, you see it as the worse change ever, up ahead in a place that you cannot see, there is something bigger and better waiting for you.

I know this to be true. I have found it. I have cherished it and I am loving it.

I love my new life, the re-birth of me.

I truly love you, Lancelot.

It’s funny how we all like to judge everyone around us as if we did not have faults.

We like to belittle other people while we are great and mighty.

We like to see what the other person does not have and see ourselves greater than others.

It is funny how we like to laugh at other people so that we may feel better about ourselves.

It is funny how we like to make others feel less of a person, while in that moment we feel more superior.

It is funny how everything is everyone else’s fault and we never hold any.

It is funny how we like to blame others for our guilt.

While other people in the world are all like photographs. We are replica’s of who the others are. We tend to feel “Better” than others, superior, and condescending. while everyone else has a taste of the same thing.

Have you ever wondered about your worse enemy? How we are all the same in some odd way.

It is funny because everyone around you is what you are.

If you are an evil person, you will only have evil people around you.

If you are a deceiving person, you only have deceivers around you.

If you are a gossiper, you only have gossipers around you.

Look at yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need to change”?

Change yourself to whom you want around you.

You will see that people will fall off of your circle. These individuals will not be around you, because you are becoming the person you want around you. You will have new friends that will be more of a desire to you because they will be what you have become.

Try this test for at least 90 days without fail and you will see this to me true. You will start seeing results.

I get a lot of blog readers that ask me, “How can I find love, soul-mate, twin flame”?

Look at YOU first, see what “You” need to change. Change yourself to be that person you are looking for. That person that you desire to suit you the most. You will see and find that the person that you are looking for will one day come and knock on the door to your heart.

You will find the peace and love you so desire for.

You will find the peace you have always been seeking.

Have you ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”?

Remember this phrase,” You are who’s around you”.

If you don’t like who is around you, then change who you are. Change yourself to whom you want in your life. You will attract more people like you. You will love yourself and those around you more.

This may be something that you may disagree . Lets write down the things you want surrounding you, change yourself to be just that.You will see that the current people that are the opposite of what you want  around you will have a problem with you. They will feel uncomfortable around you. They will seem very uneasy. You will find out, who are really true to you, although you might already have a gut feeling about it!

You will then see that a new network of people will come into your life that are more like you. You will see that you will have more people around you that you will have a more liking too. You will see your life turn around to a better place for you.

Give it a whirl, you will start seeing results.

You have nothing to loose in trying and making sure you implement this “New You” 100%. Don’t let anyone tear down the “New You”.

Always be you, Love you and most of all, Praise you!

My kids love Eminem.

I started to listen to his new music from the new album that he just released and let me tell you that listening to his music was such an inspiration. He not only raps/sings, he does it from the core of his heart and soul. You can really relate to his pain and the topic his songs are about. It is something that you think about and consume. Something that you can feel and have emotional sorrow over facts in life.

He has grown into something really real and awesome.

When listening to the music and his lyrics, I decided to feature him today in my blog because he is such a loving person with so much hurt. He has taken his lyrics to the next level and it is extraordinary.

I was able to relate to his soul while mine connected to his music. It was really outstanding to be able to connect through the soul into someones heart and energy that he has placed because it was like I knew him personally. I could feel his hurt, pain and disappointment through his relationships, friends and family that have hurt him in the past. He has had a lot of fake people in his life. The magnificant thing is that he did not let anyone crush his dream nor him. He became a better person by letting go and starting a new beginning, a new life.

People are so quick to judge and to speculate. In reality, he needs someone to nurture, love and care for him for who he is, not what he has or become to his status. I believe that he has a lot to offer and I don’t mean material. I mean that he has a lot to offer a woman that both can respect each other, love each other and comprehend one another. He deserves that and much more. He had such a rough life. He is going through so much anguish and pain. I am sure he has a lot of people that say they can understand his pain and try to provide him with great confidence however, I am not sure how much they really understand him.

I believe that he is the all time “Real” rapper out there that truly cares. He may not know truly all the beauty he truly holds.

I do desire him to prosper and be able to find his soul-mate or twin flame that will make him the happiest man around. He deserves that as well as she does too. I believe that he needs to continue to search his happiness within himself just yet. Once his emotions are complete and he is at peace with himself and all around him, he will then realize what a wonderful person he truly is.

I felt the need to express this because, honestly, he is an awesome person. Even though he went through a lot, he had to go through his experience so that he can become a stronger person. He was able to learn from his decisions and through his experience.

If I had the opportunity to meet him in person, the first thing I would love to do is to give him a hug . I would whisper in his ear how awesome of a person he is. I would pat him on the back and say, “You are on the right journey and I am proud of you!”

Keep up the good work and remember Eminem,( if you happen to read my blog) that you are a truly amazing person. You will find what you are so much seaking for. Know to do what feels right in your heart. If loving someone that hurts you too much makes you feel this way, this is not true love. True love is never mistaken and does not hurt. You never should settle but become very picky in what you want in a woman, it will put you in the right path and you will meet her and love her unconditionally, remarkably  forever.

A New Beginning is what we all need. We all desire a new beginning at one point in our lives.

One that will make everything better however it may be confusing at first.

I know that my path has changed and it is on a new journey. One that is fulfilled and enlightened through-out. One that will change my social circle, family and myself. This path will only be prosperous to me. This is my new path. I have the strength and power to let go of all negative attachments. Provide only positive energy around me at all times.

A new beginning is something that I desire, something that is long over due.

We all have changes in our lives. No matter what they may be. We desire these changes in such a positive way. Remember that Karma is a big factor and whatever we place within the Universe, it will come back three folds. Basically if you provide only positiveness around you and to the people in and out of your life, you will only have positive experiences within your life 3x better. If you are negative, you only attract negativity 3x deeper than what you have put out originally.

When things do not feel right, then it is time for a change. No matter what the situation may be, you need to reorganize the situation in your mind.

You must think what it is that you want out of life. Create a list of factors that you desire. You will see that you will become overly excited over the things that you do want. Be determined. Change all bad habits and friends that are not of the highest and greatest good. If someone in your life drains your energy, either remove them or distant yourself from them. Habits that make you feel down and upset with yourself, replace them with something even better.

Do yourself a favor and do what makes YOU happy. Do not depend on other people with your emotions, you are setting yourself up for self destruction, disaster. No one should handle your emotions.

A new beginning is something we all need several times in our lives.. Nothing wrong with it, it just makes a stronger YOU!!

Be blessed!

Imaginations are areas where we can hide and be someone you want to be.

Imaginations and pretending are a great way to escape. You can go anywhere and be anything you want to be.. How beautiful it is to escape from your reality and change it the way you want it to go.

The only thing is, that we are so caught up in our daily life that we have no time to escape to our “Safe zone” or “Safety net”.

People can think that  is childish, something only children do. These people are so caught up in their reality they will never advance in their reality because they are holding onto something that does not make them happy or they become their own slaves. They wont be happy unless they break free and decide to be what they really want to be, if this makes any sense.

Dreaming, Imagining, wishing and daydreaming are very healthy.

At times clarity will sneak into your mind and you will realize what you are really missing in your life.

It’s sad how people in life, tell you what or how to be in a healthy place. A place that they don’t even know or realize what it may be or even how to get there.

Know that you need to do what is right for you, not everyone will have the answer that will work for you. Do what your heart guides you to do.

At times I even think that there is no way out of any situation or I get mad because in my reality I created something that I may not really want. How do I do away or fix what I created.. I just have to remember that I am not alone and I do have guides and Angels to help me out in certain situations. It is a matter of asking and having them assist in a resolution. Having higher powers on the other side helping you is the best resolution being that they are there to guide you in the best possible highest and greatest good.

One thing I came to find is that not everyone wants the best for you. There is a lot of people that are not centered within themselves. They are people that think they know it all and they try to help but they try to discourage you from certain things because they do not want you to have what they see as you having. Not everyone will do this intentionally, they are insecure of themselves and they dont want to see you in a better place because of certain things. It may be that they think they will lose you in some way or you may have more in the long run and why should you have more than them?

Be careful who you trust. At times you get happy because certain excitement in life makes you want to share these things with others. Remember that some things are to be kept within because you don’t want anyone placing bad energy on your happiness and then down the road it does not come out like you would like it too..

Keep dreaming, Imagining and daydreaming.. Feel good about it.. You can create anything in life that you want!

The meaning of Love.

How would you describe Love?

How would you place emotions into words?

This is my version of Love.

Love has no negative emotions. Love is Pure.

Love has no jealousy, it has no limits.

When someone feels they are jealous and feel that their love may shy away, it is because the individual that feels this feeling is insecure. Security in pure love is something that will make a huge difference in a relationship. It will not provide limits and stress on a relationship. Love is not made to be limited, it was made to expand and increase.

Loving someone is all about providing a beautiful and blissful experience. It is something very peaceful. It is addicting. It is something that we all want more of because it increases with all positive.

We all want and desire a healthy loving relationship. One that will last a lifetime. One that will be alive until the end.

Love makes your skin tingle. Love creates bumps all over your body as a sign of desire for your partner. Love runs through your veins and becomes addictive. Love is felt within the core of your soul. Love pulls your spirit closer, making your blood run into your heart with nourishment, providing loving energy so that it will create more love from your heart.

People think by limiting love by showing actions that limit or have actions that are negative, demonstrate love to their other halves. This is not so. This is not what love is intended to be nor felt. We need to turn this foolish action around and become more loving and only love in the purist way possible.

We all tend to show emotions by actions that hurt others. We need to turn around all the hate, remorse and jealousy. Love with the highest and purest intentions. Remember Love and Hate are two separate feelings and when they are combine it demonstrates insecurities that will make your partner uncomfortable. This creates blame, hurt and pain.

Love is intended to expand, remember this always.. Love is NEVER to be limited.

Creating perfect intentions will create a blissful experience.

We have all experience all types of love, conditional and unconditional. We all love to feel the unconditional love so lets all love unconditionally and we will all experience pure everlasting blissful Love..

I survived when you thought I would fall.

I have succeeded when you thought that I would fail.

I have wealth when you poured worrisome burden on us.

I have health when you threw stress at us.

I am strong when you tried your hardest to knock me down.

I Am now happy when you thought I would be sad.

I only wish you only the best.

I will never desire any negative energy on you.

I am better than that.. Because, I am making it and have everything I need.

I have survived, and I will keep on surviving.

When you left my life, it has become the most prosperous for me. I have a better mind, Body and soul. I am surrounded by allot of positive, beautiful people and I am blessed to have such wonderful individuals in my life.

I never give up, I keep going. I am moving forward.

I am what I am and happy of who I am!!.

LOVE ALWAYS, THIS IS THE WAY TO ETERNAL HAPPINESS!!

Happiness lies within every single one of us. No one can make you feel complete.

It is like using a bandaide to cover up what is really missing. I know that when someone has a split up with someone, it seems like we always are out “Looking” for that missing piece that we need to make us feel so whole. I mean, it is like a overwhelming feeling that we feel that we “Must” have someone. So that we can feel better. This is not the best solution. It just means that you are missing “Something” within you.

We all look on the outside of our bodies trying to find “Something”. We are always looking for answers on the outside. Well, I am sorry to surprise you with this, but we MUST look within ourselves for all answers. We are more in a confused state and looking for confirmation more so than answers, because the answers we already have. We need to confirm what we already know.

When we feel lonely, this is when we need to do some soul searching about us. Noone more than us. It is ok to feel Alone.. But lonliness lies when we have not found our soul or when we are not loving ourselves to the fullest. We all think that we love ourselves. I was one too. When someone asked me about a year ago, if I loved myself, of course I said “Yes, of course”. But thought I knew what that meant, But I didnt. When I started my soul searching this is when I realized, I didnt truly love myself. I found myself degrading myself. I found myself calling myself bad words. telling myself how ugly and inconsiderate I was. I would look at myself and call myself all these bad animal names. I would tell myself how fat I am and how noone would like me.

Anyway, I thought back at all the times I abuse and love myself. Sadley, I have abused myself more than Love myself. Pleasing people would provide me a better satisfaction than to please myself. It is sad.

Love is like a lost Pen.

I started to explain to a friend of mine about love. I said,” It is like a lost pen. You know, when you are looking for a pen, and you cant find it. You really need one and you look everywhere. But the day you don’t need it and you look at the very spot that you looked before but you are looking for something else, the pen pops out right in front of you. That is how you find Love”.

Basically, once you let go of the Idea of “Looking” for love, that is when it will jump out and grab you.

I am not out “Looking”. I am out Waiting. I know that Lancelot will come and grab me. He and I will have that instant connection. It will be an instant impact. It will be something that will just happen naturally. Something that will be out of this world. Something that will be a huge “WOW”.

This is why I say, love is like a lost pen. Once you stop looking for it, it will come and get you.

I cant wait until it gets me.. I will have my legs wide open ready for it to get me.. LMAO

I am a prisinor within my own self. I feel trapped not able to get out. I feel like I cannot scream, because if I do, no one will hear me.

I hear the rain fall outside and I want to run out and scream. Scream with no ending. I will be drenched and will not care if it is cold outside. What is this life for? Why am I here? Why do I want to live?

Do you hear me? Does anyone care? I hurt. My pain is huge, it touches my bone and I shiver. I cannot control myself. I want to die..

Why am I here. Who cares anymore.

I feel like running out into my backyard, into the woods and run with no destination. Run until I cannot find anything. My feet will hurt, get cut, scrapped. I wont care. I cant get this pain out of my body. Its unbearable. I cant stand it anymore.

I hear my own screams. No one there to help. My face hurts as I have cried too much. I feel numb from all the crying. My body is week from walking. My feet hurt from the cuts of the branches and rocks on the ground.

I want to end this pain. Why do I hurt so bad? Why cant I get this pain out of my heart, my veins, my flesh?

Why? Why? Why? WHY??

Can anyone hear my cries? Why don’t I feel anyone coming to my rescue? Why cant I feel arms around my body to sooth me?

Please, Please, Please, anyone….. Hear me… Hear my cries…

I am shivering, not because it is cold, because I cant feel you. I cant find you. I hurt……..

Life is so hard without you. I need you to pick up my pieces. I need you to heal the hurt in my heart. I ache. You are nowhere to be found. I feel filthy. I feel miserable. I feel like a soulless person. I have no control over me.

I am a prisoner within me.