Searching Lancelot

My emotions run like a wild cat looking for food. Ready to pray on all that looks edible. I look around to see what is in my path to satisfy the hunger I feel. One so overwhelming that I must satisfy this void. A void only I can heal.

I see myself this way because I see everything that unfolds around me. I am quiet about everything that happens. I act as though I am naive and have no knowledge of what is happening. I take my silence and suffer within. I feel as if the walls crumble and I try to lift the pieces.

One thing I know, is that my heart has become more of a rock than it should. My soul shouts for more peace and rejuvenation. My mind runs wild with thoughts and helplessness. I feel trapped within myself trying to release what needs to be unleashed. My soul yearns for new ways to feel free. My soul wants to soar like an eagle and become free.

Understanding life and everyone, everything around it, is very difficult at times. It can be heart breaking, hurtful and pure pain. Understanding the learning experience comes with time as the focus comes back in detail and to the point.

I hunger for a more stable and beautiful oneness with myself. Learning to deal with things myself has become a broken record in my life. When will the record be repaired? When will my life become stable to where those around me stop hurting me.

Dissappearing within the Universe is what I should do, but running away gets me nowhere.

I must learn to understand myself so that I can handle situations more smoothly and with less bitter. I need to remind myself that no one will Love me more than I love me. I need to learn that nothing in this world is more important than myself and my children. I must fight my own emotional roller coaster as no one will give a damn but myself. I must learn that in this world, I came alone and will leave alone.

Understanding life is a challenge, however a brilliant and beautiful triumph I will gain when I conquer the quest of knowing me!